If you had to write a recorded script for a company like Sky or BT, what would it say? What music would you play while people waited? Death metal? Monty Python? Mariah Carey?

I rang Sky, BT, Royal Mail and Virgin yesterday. This is what I heard:

1. Thank you for calling the customer support team.
2. Due to an unexpectedly high volumes of calls, you may experience a delay of up to five minutes
3. You are seventh in the queue
4. Please remember to have your customer reference number ready
5. The quickest and easiest way to get help and information is to visit our  frequently asked questions page on our website at doubleyou, doubleyou, doubleyou dot frequently asked questions dot com dot you kay
6. Or alternatively please continue to hold
7. Please select from the following 5 options
8. For all other enquiries, press 0
9. Remember, at any time you can press the star key to return to the main menu
10. Thank you, your call is important to us, please continue to hold
11. For quality purposes and the interests of security, your call may be recorded
12. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
13. Thank you for calling

My script would not include a recorded message. There would be no script. No music.  I’d leave it up to staff answering the phone to decide what to say. They might choose something like:

“Hello INSERT COMPANY NAME,  how can I help you?”

Imagine that, eh?