MANAGERS! ROLL UP a report into a telescope and spy on your workers through the hole.
J Pour
Scunthorpe

MANAGERS! If a restructure doesn’t inspire enough fear into your staff, why not introduce a snake into the office?
E Smith
London

HOSE down your staff in jargon if they ask difficult questions
S Flood
Peterlee

SEARCH all staff for data before they enter meetings.
J Bollard
Hull

MANAGERS! Instead of talking to your staff every day, why not set aside 2 hours every year and communicate with them via documents?
H Stockdale
Brent

CALL CENTRE MANAGERS, instead of getting your workers to cooperate towards a common goal, why not have them fight all year over a bottle of Cava?
D Gould
Manchester

MANAGERS! Save time and effort by copying what other people do and calling it ‘best practice’.
B Legg
Bournemouth

DELIGHT your customers by telling them how brilliant your organisation is and delivering a crap service at the same time
P Hunt
Blackpool

PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY isn’t just for children’s parties. Tie a scarf over your eyes and use it to set performance targets
A Gibson
Carlisle

SUBSTITUTE action with plans
D Skimpy
Birmingham

Please don’t hesitate to leave your own. It is Friday. After all.