MANAGERS! If a restructure doesn’t inspire enough fear into your staff, why not introduce a snake into the office?
HOSE down your staff in jargon if they ask difficult questions
SEARCH all staff for data before they enter meetings.
MANAGERS! Instead of talking to your staff every day, why not set aside 2 hours every year and communicate with them via documents?
CALL CENTRE MANAGERS, instead of getting your workers to cooperate towards a common goal, why not have them fight all year over a bottle of Cava?
MANAGERS! Save time and effort by copying what other people do and calling it ‘best practice’.
DELIGHT your customers by telling them how brilliant your organisation is and delivering a crap service at the same time
PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY isn’t just for children’s parties. Tie a scarf over your eyes and use it to set performance targets
SUBSTITUTE action with plans
Please don’t hesitate to leave your own. It is Friday. After all.